That Girl Nemo: October 2012

Lynn Vincent talks with God a lot.

I learned this from reading a profile about her in the latest edition of The New Yorker.

I have to say, this magazine really knows how to churn out a good hate read.

There I was, pouring over the self-righteous verbal diarrhea of this Evangelical nitwit and I just couldn't stop turning the pages.

Here's her background: Lynn had a wild mother who was into drugs and free love. She ran away from that life and ended up living in Alabama with a religious relative that made her go to church a lot. Finally, she "came to Jesus" and it changed her life (just not before she indulged in some sex, drugs and rock n' roll.)

She joined the Navy and gained a mentor who was, "A senior chief-a lesbian actually" who really inspired her and got her to polish her boots more.

If you think this awesome lesbian role model made her more sensitive to the plight of gay people, think again!

After writing for an online Christian publication called "World," Lynn eventually got involved in (Holy) ghost writing.

She wrote "The Prodigal Comes Home" with Michael English who got hooked on drugs, cheated on his wife a lot, and then returned to the sweet, sweet, little ten-pound baby Jesus.

She wrote a tale with Ron Hall called "Same Kind of Different" about how Ron, a wealthy art dealer and God-fearing man, strays from the path of righteousness when he meets, "the kind of woman who seems to grow indigenously in California, right alongside the palm trees."

After getting sauced off of some white wine (which I can only assume came from a box) he writes that there was, "a meaningful pause...in the eyes, the sparkle of invitation." (Here we see "woman" as a spritzer-swilling hippie temptress.) And then they fornicated.

Poor Ron. The experience was so magical that he forgot all about his wife and kids! Doh! Looks like it's time to put Jesus back on speed dial!

Then there was the book she co-wrote with her old buddy Robert Stacey McCain who just happens to be a white supremacist. When Vincent was taken to task by Rachel Maddow on this fact, she became defensive.

"It's all unreal and unfair," she told Ariel Levy of the New Yorker, "I wrote a book with an old college friend who, at some point, six years before we met up again, made some questionable racial remarks to somebody, and I'm supposed to be accountable for that?"

Why can't people just stop persecuting her for helping her racist friend write a factually inaccurate book!?

Here's an excerpt from "Donkey Cons: Sex. Cons, and Corruption in the Democratic Party"

Two Iraqi scientists, newly freed by American forces, in April 2003 went on the Arab news channel Al-Jazeera and said they had watched vandals loot a Tawitha nuclear facility of 200 barrels of milled uranium oxide, or "yellow cake." Or the dozen or so sarin and mustard rounds, 7-pound block of cyanide salt, vial of live botulinum, and 1.77 metric tons of low-enriched uranium recovered by coalition forces.

Media Matters for America explains why this information is false:

Their source for this claim is a 2005 World magazine article. Unmentioned by Vincent and McCain was the Senate Intelligence Committee's 2004 Report on the U.S. Intelligence Community's Prewar Intelligence Assessments on Iraq, which determined that the available intelligence did not support the conclusion that Iraq had biological, chemical, or nuclear weapons programs. Nor did they mention the 2004 Iraq Survey Group report, which found that Iraq had dismantled its WMD programs and not made any efforts to reconstitute them prior to the 2003 invasion.

In case you'd like to read more of Lynn's thoughts on abortion as black genocide and gay people as a blight on the earth, mediamatters.org has a pretty good sampling of her writing on the subjects.

The best known ghost writing she's done to date is Sarah Palin's "Going Rogue"- a book Jonathan Raban of the New York Review of Books called, "a four-hundred page paean to virtuous ignorance."

Levy adds that others have called it "a vehicle for score-settling and self-pity."

Lest people think that Vincent has ascended to a higher state of being and can't relate to them, she confesses to having had an abortion when she was sixteen.

While she benefited from this safe and legal procedure at a time when having a child was not right for her, she later regretted it and decided to dust it off and use it as a guilt-inducing tool on other women.

"I didn't regret it until I had my own children," she says, "and when I looked at them and saw what I had done..." (Cue the waterworks.)

But Vincent isn't done. She goes on to elevate the former non-sentient clump of cells to great heights; "If I hadn't done that, there would be a human being. It could have been....who knows? Someone who changed the world."

Or it could have been a high school janitor with poor interpersonal skills. Or a rodeo clown with a shoe fetish. Or the next Ted Bundy. We'll just never know...(Cue the waterworks.)

But Lynn bears up well under her cross and looks on the bright side; "There's no one, I don't think, including people who have killed somebody, who can say to me, 'I've done worse things than you.'"

Because: Manslaughter=Abortion (Just in case you missed her meaning).

Here are some things that irritate Lynn:

"Women will never be equal enough, the environment will never be clean enough, because there are people invested in making a living off these grievances! Where does it stop?"

Lynn goes on to add:

"I can say as a woman who's almost fifty, I've never experienced discrimination."

So, to recap: Lynn makes a living off of writing down the grievances of others and has never been discriminated against which makes her the perfect person to criticize women who have.

Well great. I'm glad no one has even discriminated against good old, God fearing Lynn.

Now if we could just eradicate the problem for the billion or so women who actually do experience it.... but hey, at least Lynn's doing alright.

Oh, and there were some marital difficulties for Lynn. But (thank the sweet JC) after her husband left her, she decided to forgive him. They took a second honeymoon to Catalina Island which the ever-classy Lynn says was "like going to Cabo without the cartels and the dysentery."

Toward the end of the article, Lynn sends an email to writer Ariel Levy saying, "I've been praying for you since you left here. You may be a nonbeliever, but that doesn't mean that you're not God's child."

I speak smug Christian so let me interpret this message for you:

"Hey Jew! I have been thinking about how you are going to burn in hell someday and I've been praying for your soul. Even though you are a lost heathen you are still basically a human being in my book. God told me to tell you that."

*crescendo of dry heaves*