Bring Them Down

I am delighted by the destruction being visited upon Confederate monuments in the South.

I can't think of any other place in the world where a losing side is so celebrated.

Look world, we had this war and got our butts handed to us! Hurrah for the South!

I've been thinking about what it must feel like as a person of color to see a bunch of white fuckwits trying to defend these statues with talk about heritage.

So yeah, let's look at that heritage.

To adopt the distorted Southern perspective you would need to do the following:

In order to be proud of losers you want to romanticize them as much as possible. To do this, make sure the local history books are filled with stories of how noble and gentlemanly they were.

You'll need to have an organization like the United Daughters of the Confederacy which will offer prize money to the young lady who can write the best essay about the bravery of her great-great- great grandpappy who fought the rebel scum with dignity.

To reinforce the romance of the old South you'll feature a yearly Springtime event where families get into their cars and drive out to the plantations to see the dogwoods and azaleas in bloom. To highlight the wholesomeness of this event you'll have a bunch of young white girls in hoop skirts, gloves and bonnets smile and wave at the passing cars. (Aren't those delicate Southern belles the best? So feminine. So unthreatening.)

When giving tours of said plantation houses you focus on the splendor and charm of the Big House. At no time will you allow the visitors to wander off out the back where the row of rundown shacks are located. If a visitor does manage to escape out there you'll laugh musically, redirect them to the official tour and mumble something about "tool sheds."

When teaching Southern history to older students you'll stress the fact that less than 1% of all wealthy people in the South owned slaves with the takeaway being that the Civil War couldn't possibly have been about slavery. You'll ignore the fact that during the time even the poorest of white trash had higher status than black folks and that every white person in the region benefited from an economy that thrived off of slave labor.

You'll use special terms to refer to this period of time. It wasn't a "Civil War" it was the "War Against Northern Aggression". It wasn't about the spread and existence of slavery, it was about "States Rights." Never mind if those rights let one type of person own another or let lawmakers draft discriminatory legislation which disenfranchised black people from sharing white spaces and having the right to vote.

When choosing a bumper sticker for the back of your pick up truck you will add the one with the Confederate flag that says, "Heritage, Not Hate." You will abruptly change the subject when an outsider asks why no black people fly or embrace this flag.

To avoid awkward mental exercises, you'll surround yourself with  like minded company. This will allow you to regularly proclaim that The South Will Rise Again! As everyone around you "gets" what you are saying you will be saved from having to explain exactly what this means or what it would look like.

Follow these tips and you'll be fantasizing over the character of the losing side in no time!

*****

Please tune in next time as I explore why so many members of the "master race" seem to be paunchy, weak chinned, illiterate, omega males with shithouse tattoos.

An Email To Jacinda

When I first moved to New Zealand I spent my free time working as a DJ.

One evening I saw a talk show featuring a young woman named Jacinda Ardern who was a politician and a DJ.

She was on her way to play at a music festival and I thought I would write her a short note of support.

I wrote to say I was also a DJ who had come to the country to pursue a PhD.

She wrote back with a kind and encouraging reply and I have liked her ever since.

I was always interested in learning more about politics in this country but had a slower progression in making up my mind on which party I wanted to affiliate with.

Unlike the U.S. where there is a stark difference between Democrats and Republicans, the National and Labour parties here are not as polarized.

You never hear either side discussing abortion or whether or not Jesus should be put back into the public schools.

But there was one clear winner for me and it was the Labour party.

Their policies are socialist and they have some of the most inspiring women serving as MPs.

I am thinking of the amazing Poto Williams who was once a single mother and who serves as Labour's spokesperson on the issues of sexual assault and family violence. I had a chance to speak with her at a Young Labour meeting in Christchurch and again when she came to speak at the uni during Wahine week.

I am thinking of former deputy leader Annette King who had empathy for the plight of my friend with the wrongful conviction and who shared a story of a similar act that happened within her own family.

And I am thinking of the amazing Jacinda Ardern who recently became the leader of the party and will become our next Prime Minister if Labour forms the majority government in Parliament.

I am also thinking of my local Labour candidate Tony Condon who has let me help out with his campaign and invited me to go to speaking events with him and see how politics works behind the scenes. He is a wise man of excellent character.

After the embarrassing shit show that is the Trump presidency, it's incredibly soothing to see so many wonderful people standing up to lead this country in a progressive direction.

The Kea Database

The Kea Conservation Trust has just launched the kea database where scientists and members of the public can report kea sightings.

Thanks to the banding efforts of several volunteers I was able to positively identify some of the birds I observed while staying in Otira.

My beloved number 4 is actually called Trillian and she's alive and well.

Another bird I called 7 is named Screech and I was able to provide a photo of him for the website. I even got photo credit.

There. I've done my bit.

Should I get the chance to spend another week out Arthur's Pass way, I can now share my data and make a small contribution to monitoring the survival of my favorite New Zealand bird.

For more info: keadatabase.nz

Trillian asserts herself.

The Paleofantasy

I checked out the book "Paleofantasy: What Evolution Really Tells Us About Sex, Diet and How We Live."

When I first saw the title I smirked.

When I saw that the author was female I laughed a sly "heh, heh."

Nick saw me reading it the other night and said I was only doing so "to make fun of the paleo types."

He knows me well.

I wanted to experience a scientific take down of all those idiots who act like they are slaves to their inner cavemen.

I've lost count of all the people in the comments section of online stories who say, "I'm sorry, but it's evolution, we can't help it." This is usually right after they've explained to the poor, unknowing masses how men have to treat women like crap because they've been doing it since we crawled out of trees. It's biology they say- written in the DNA, an enduring genetic trait, etc.

I'm also irritated by the smug prophets of the paleo diet who like to act like we were once in perfect harmony with our environment and need to meat it up to be our best selves.

Spoiler alert: there never was such a time and there is no way to return to what we were in the olden days. We've changed too much genetically as have our current food sources.

Author Marlene Zuk gives examples of how quickly evolution can take place and how it can act in different ways to achieve the same results.

She writes about the genetic mutation that causes lactase persistence and how in one region of Africa people have evolved to keep producing lactase while in another, people have acquired a specialized gut bacteria that aids with dairy digestion.

She points out that plaque taken from both Neanderthals and Australopithecus had gelled grain remnants in it-so there bread and grain haters!

She writes about the variety of foods and habits of our ancient relatives depending on the time of season and where they lived. Surprise, surprise-they were not monolithic.

This should surprise no one but I'm sure it will.

Somewhere, a paleo disciple is imagining a golden age where men went shoeless, ate regular meals of meat, wore animal skins and were always fit.

I guess if you ignore the irregularity of meals, the brutality of parasites, exposure to extreme cold, the threat of being mauled by something wild and the fact that personal hygiene practices were limited then sure, it sounds great.

The chapter I'm reading now addresses the old chestnut about males needing to spread their seed everywhere and women supposedly being all reluctant about sex. It also discusses representations of the division of labor.

She quotes Lori Hager who says, "the early models of Man the Hunter were popular in part because they validated the way Western families were structured in the 1940s-60s...the implication is that women stay home and care for the children, while men go out and bring home the bacon, or mammoth meat."

Adrienne Zihlmann discovered that in modern groups where women are still the gatherers, they often provide the bulk of the nutrients for the group and that in other cultures women hunt as well. She says the old idea of men as the superstars of yesteryear, "came to stand for a way of life that placed males center-stage, gave an evolutionary basis for aggressive male behavior and justified gun use, political aggression, and a circumscribed relationship between women and men as a 'natural' outcome of human evolutionary history."

I am really enjoying this book.

The Junior Mooting Competition

This year for the first time I participated my university's mooting competition.

Out of 39 participants I came in 15th. Twelve individuals were chosen to advance to the next level and I was placed third on the reserve list.

Aside from the regular moot there is a junior mooting competition and I was selected to participate in this event with three other competitors.

Tonight I argued my case and won first place.

I am thrilled and honored and truly happy that I have chosen a career in law.

I will now go on to the national competition and I'm looking forward to competing with students from all over New Zealand.

Buying Your Way In

I was walking through Palo Alto with a friend once when a group of young men appeared in front of us and seemed to irritate him by their mere presence.

They were tech bros and he had no time for them.

I had never given this species of nerd much thought so my reaction was neutral.

One of their number was wearing an "edgy" blue blazer and the sight of him morphed my friend into crotchety old man who can't get the kids off his lawn.

These guys make some sort of tech widget, sell it on and become obscenely wealthy before hitting 35.

Their commonness in Silicon Valley ensures a sort of check on their egos. They are one among many.

As long as they're contained in this area the world is usually spared from their insufferable worldviews. They remain mostly harmless.

But what if they found a small, developed nation where they could buy citizenship, set up their own fiefdoms and start throwing cash at government entities to gain influence?

What would that look like?

Maybe it would take the form of a billionaire Trump supporter or a group of brogrammers who host elite hippie dance parties and circle jerk conferences about the future (shudder).

In 2011 Peter Thiel gained New Zealand citizenship despite only spending 12 days in total in the country and stating he had no intention of living here.

Mere mortals are required to spend 1350 in country for five years before they are granted this right but there are extraordinary circumstances (usually fleeing a despot's regime or extraordinary athletic talent).

Thiel's extraordinary circumstances were that he gave lip service to the idea of promoting New Zealand abroad and supposedly wrote a check for 1 million to help with the Christchurch rebuild.

The minister who granted Thiel citizenship said he had been an excellent ambassador for New Zealand. When asked how that could be when he had kept his citizenship secret for six years guy said, "you'll have to ask him."

Like Elon Musk, Theil has a creepy master race type vibe about him.

Musk had five children with his first wife. He told her he was the alpha in the relationship and made her go blonde. He was often irritated with their children for being children but he was glad that they existed because it meant his superior genes would carry on and that he had come a little closer to helping breed a superhuman race. He took up with B actress Talulah Riley and then she left him. Of course they are still friends. His lawyers made sure of that. He's now dating blonde female specimen number three and has plans of going to Mars. Godspeed.

Thiel came to my attention after Gawker wrote an article insinuating he was gay and in a fit of revenge he funded Hulk Hogan's lawsuit against them and sued them into oblivion. He's a great supporter of Trump's but has bought some land in New Zealand just in case ol' Donny goes too far with North Korea. He has also invested in a company that plans on transferring blood from young people to old people. Nothing weird there.

Silicon Valley's bi-product seems to be douches with severe god complexes.

The first of these I think was Steve Jobs. While many tore their hair and nashed their teeth with his passing I took the opportunity to read up on his life. The man was an asshole of the highest order. Yeah, he gave us some great tech but he subjected those who worked for him to utter hell and abandoned his girlfriend to raise their child alone.

As if this wasn't bad enough he seems to have started the trend of standing on a stage in front of sycophants and giving voice to delusions of grandeur.

An article in the New Yorker talked about the rise of paranoid tech preppers who are buying up land in remote places and hording weapons and tinned foods.

These are not nice men. They see themselves as better than the rest of us and are making sure that if Trump brings down civilization as we know it they'll be just fine and everyone can get stuffed.

These are men who would push you out of a life boat so they could have more leg room.

Recently, immigration New Zealand granted residence to Michael and Brian Monahan, brothers who got wealthy selling their start up to Ancestry.com.

They've bought up a bunch of land just north of Wellington and each year they invite minor celebrities, fellow tech geeks and local government officials to party with them. These events involve vegan food, a geodesic dome, white people attempting to dance, yoga, and a stage where a tech weenie gets up in front of a bunch of sycophants and gives voice to delusions of grandeur.

One of the brothers performs cringe-inducing free-style rap he calls "flowetry."

The Monahans have wowed key government figures and convinced Immigration New Zealand to develop a new Innovation visa.

They've rubbed many people the wrong way. Kiwis aren't big on ostentation and buying privilege.

A particular sore spot is the fact that they have five houses that are barely used while housing in and out of Wellington is scarce and expensive.

A neighbor once said of them, "They are ruthless. They're really driven by performance- they are really astute business men who put this big, cheesy grin and smiley face to it all."

An essay written by one of the brother's describes New Zealand as a wonderful democracy.

He's obviously thrilled to have found a small, first world nation that can be dazzled by his cash and persuaded into doing things his way.

Look at all this democracy! Can't wait to undermine it.

These guy's seem to believe that developing one piece of software means they are wise beyond their years on all subjects and that everyone should listen to them.

They didn't chose greatness, it was thrust upon them, etc.

Their new visa promises nothing. It just gives people with tech ideas the chance to come to New Zealand and fumble around with them.

The brothers have no useful ideas of their own but they have that sweet bank balance.

A statement from their Edmund Hillary Fellowship webpage has all the eye-roll worthy buzzwords that make tech people seem so smug:

"We created the Edmund Hillary Fellowship (EFH) to serve as a platform to best leverage humankind's creative potential and entrepreneurial spirit to build new paradigms, and create scalable solutions for the rest of the world. New Zealand is uniquely positioned to capture such potential and become an incubation nation for game-changing innovations."

They forgot to add "disruptive" and "tech profits" but you get the idea-bring in more people like them and create a new Silicon Valley where wealthy young people stand on stages talking about their passions with no real game plan.

Throw cash at the right government offices and before you know it they've made you a VIP.

For some reason this does not make me feel bright about the future.

The Life Update

A few weeks ago I sold a painting of the female huia to a buyer in Auckland.

Last weekend I visited Auckland and discovered that it's really a beautiful place. I contacted a lady I knew there and she told me about a recycled fashion store named Encore. I found a Gucci purse among other treasures and bought it for myself. That will take care of my gift giving to me for the next three years or so.

I watched a fantastic Swedish crime series set in the 50s called Crimes of Passion. The color saturation, clothing and impeccable mid century furnishings made it a pleasure to watch in addition to the thrilling plots and three main characters. It was all just so fantastically Swedish.

Now here's the meaningful thing I've been working on. A month or so ago Nick made me watch a program called "I Am Innocent" and the story we watched was about a mother who was pressured into admitting to killing her baby when she didn't do it. Her abusive partner did it and later confessed to it, twice. Although he was convicted of the crime the conviction still remains on the woman's record as well. I was livid when I watched the episode and made up my mind to contact her and try to help her.

And I did.

I also consulted with law professors, barristers, solicitors, mentors and one New Zealand Supreme Court Justice to see what could be done to help her.

I found a man named Tim, an ex cop turned investigator who spent five years working to prove the innocence of a man who spent more than 20 years in prison. He agreed to help me and found a barrister to file to the court of appeal.

It's been an amazing experience so far and some of the most rewarding moments I've had in my pursuit of legal knowledge.

I'll update here as the case progresses.