The Apple Watch: New Ways To Ignore What Really Matters

Apple.

A company pulled out of obscurity by a raging asshole with a vision. 

They gave us a replacement for the Walkman and made sure it had enough faults so we would feel compelled to by a new one every few years. (Screw you guys! I still got my 2008 pod and it works fine. Mostly.)

Then came the iphone and the apps. Ignoring those around us had become that much cooler.

Did you ever want to grow fake veggies on a fake farm? Did you ever wonder, at any given moment, who in your immediate area was taking a poo? 

Apple gave you the platform. All you needed was the personal dedication to not do important things with your life.

Now there's the Apple Watch. 

According to a recent ad I saw on television, it's possible to play a song on the piano, be updated by your watch that you've been outbid on an item, dismiss the notice, and not break the pace of your playing because you came to the spot in the song where you could play with one hand. 

See, that item you are bidding on is important. Essential. You need it. You deserve it. Art and music should never get in that way of you getting what you were born to have. 

Apple made that possible.

In another ad a nerdy young man is about to kiss a cute-as-a-button girl. They lean in and grin but, uh oh! Her watch buzzes to alert her about a car she was thinking of buying. The boy pauses awkwardly and the girl dismisses the notice with a sheepish smirk. They continue with their smooch. 

In what should have been one of the most tender and passionate moments between two people who are mutually attracted to one another Apple was there to get in the way. 

And the guy is cool with it. He's okay with always having to come second to social media updates. Hell, maybe he'll even do the same to her. When they get tired of each other they can text each other a break up message whilst standing inches apart. 

Maybe if the watch was telling the girl her aunt was taken to the hospital or that a new kidney had just become available for her that would be understandable but a frickin' car? Really?

What these ads tell me is that humans are little better than cats chasing a laser pointer dot. 

We are slaves to any little distraction no matter how meaningless.

After reading Dave Eggers' Silicon Valley piss-take  "The Circle" I'm a little concerned when I see ads like these.

Another ad here in New Zealand shows a guy sitting at the table with family members during the holidays and staring at his phone. 

The ad says says that thanks to Neon TV On Demand he doesn't have to listen to his granddad tell his favorite story anymore.

Isn't that wonderful news! 

The old guy you only see a few times a year who loves you very much can now be blocked out by your phone!

Old people suck! Watch those Poldark episodes!

I have an appreciation for some tech. I like my laptop that I'm typing on write now and that Blogger allows me to "dear dairy" the world.

But I'm typing this during my family's designated nap time. 

Alex is asleep, the NPR is doing teen things that I don't want to know about, Nick is in Auckland with his boys and I am having a quiet moment of reflection. 

If something important was going on I wouldn't want some dumb machine getting in the way. 

I wish I could warn the young folks about these things but all they'd likely hear is "these kids today/get off my lawn/uphill to school both ways."

Sigh.