Friday, January 30, 2015

Can't Please Anyone

Tomorrow night I will be DJ-ing at a pub where I have repeatedly come off as weak sauce.

There is a weird mix of olds, youngs and ladies who just want to dance in a small group to a Beyonce song.

No matter what I play, someone gets disgusted, someone rocks out at the bar but won't go on the dance floor and someone dances alone while others roll their eyes and I just want to go home.

I can never seem to get a group dancing and it hurts my wickle fee fees.

If you play 70s hits the young people stare down their drinking glasses and look uncomfortable.

If you play anything with "the rap" or "the hip hop" in it the olds start to complain.

Loudly.

Right in front of me.

You guys know I can hear you and you know I know it.

Sometimes there are Irishmen in the pub and they are always sparkly eyed and optimistic. One of them discovered Tom Petty for the first time when I played Learning to Fly and he was super pumped about it. Then he went home and I was left with a less enthusiastic crowd.

There was a guy dressed in women's lingerie who performed a series of sultry dance moves for his mates while a group of passing police officers glanced through the open pub windows and laughed.

Apparently, bachelor parties are a time for your best friends to humiliate you in public as much as possible.

His friends wanted him to sing karaoke to something so I put on "Don't Stop Belivin'" thinking that was always a crowd pleaser.

He didn't know the words and the buzz died quickly.

Another guy seemed to have some pretty hard feelings towards Shania Twain and was not impressed much by my playing one of her songs.

I really miss the good times when me and the four other guys from my grad school would each take an hour to play our favorite music at the local night spot. We'd trade tracks and compliment each other and show each other new tricks we had learned on the mixer. I got paid in chai and naan.

People would listen to the music and dance and tell me I was awesome. And then I felt awesome.

Anyway, I'm currently trying to make a playlist that will keep most people happy for four-and-a-half hours even thought I know it will never work.

I don't want to do this anymore. It's no fun. 

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